its been a while..

hi sayang..i x sure yg i akan bagi syg baca atau x everything yg i tulis utk syg..or maybe syg will forever xkan tau..

i know its been a while and kekadang je i tulis dedication utk sayang..ntah la mcm2 sgt otak ni nk fikir..u know how hard is it for me to write this and at the same time killing myself missing u? u know how lost i am now.? xde org nk larang i buat apa pun..pkul brapa i kuar, pg mana dengan siapa..family i xde syg..and they dont care..i xtau ap yg hold i utk jgn makin jauh lost i..may be remembring u all the time keep me going..u keep me sane for know. i dont know how long..

bila i fikir about our relationship, it make me happy, it make me sad, and it make me mad. it make me happy coz i have u, it make me sad coz i cant have u, it make me mad coz u never be mine, no matter what i do. 

bila life kita go on nnti, how we going to live sayang? together? or u stick with ur family n i stick with mine..? i make wrong doing to you, and i dont want to hurt u. u meeting my family is a mistake. im sorry sayang..ill never ask u to choose but one time later in ur life , u have to choose. u know its not the way to live.

u told me right yg u nk berubh, bawa i skali. , xkan tinggal i,.. how right are u? is that just a word from u ? i can change.. but i cant promise i will change how i feel about myself.. even i dont admit it to the world, GOd know,and ill keep lying to myself..

u jauh.. u syg i..and at one time i know yg u fikir i sayang i sebab nafsu..u wrong..bcoz if sex is what i want from u, i can have it from anyone else.. i want u. and that is my problem sayang..

sometimes bila u kol, u talk about ur family, ask anout me too ..bila i ckp i miss u, u jawab x nk jawab. u know how i die a little inside bila u jawab x nk jawab je when i said i miss u damn much?bila u lupa nk wish brthday i yg dah lpas?bila i ckp how stress i am?

tiap kali i melawat u, i pandang u, and u didnt look back, u tau x betapa sedeh nya i. seriously syang..u buat i hilang semangat nk jumpa u lagi..tp i rindu u sgt..i need to see your face even just for a minute.

i made up my mind sayang..bila u dah btol2 berubah , and your love for me has changed to friendship, ill let u go.. we can be frend, but we cant be close fren, becoz it will give me hope, that thing will be back as it is.that is how much i love u. 

sadden

baby...im sad..know why? until now i never get a birthday wishes from u..i tot masa u kol i haritu, u will wish me..maybe u forgot..but i never ever think my birthday is important, it just that when u came to my life, u make me important...but i dont know...

u make my day

sayang..thanks for calling me yesterday... i miss u..its been a month since i heard ur voice..i miss it.

sayang

hon...its my birthday today...im waiting for ur wishes.but i guess im not getting it..i miss u..its been so long...u have to call me sayang.please

call me ..im waiting

sayang..i really miss u and ill wait for yr call..hmm..i thought yesterday akan ade kol dr u..i kept waiting tp smpai arini xde.. i miss u damn much syg...its hard to write here now.. i miss u damn much

hi hon..kiss kiss,..

hmm.. i really miss u sayang..the more i see u the more i feel hurt without u here..hmm..xtau la apa i nk buat sepa jang i tggu syg nii

torn

sayang..arini lepas dah satu hari dr date i jumpa sayag..hmm..i byk fikir pasal kita sayang..i mnta maaf i x jadi sebaik yang u mintak..i cuba..tp i xde org pun yg guide i.. xde org nk larang i pegi mana..nk buat ap..kalau weekend i balik lewat pun, xde org tanya i...i cuba igt pesanan u..sekarg solat i pun lubang2.. hmm..kat tempat keje selalu i lost..i bz sgt buat keje smpai tlupa solat..i bersyukur u dapat berubah..i ni x tau lah.... so far iman i kuat lagi untuk x cuba bnda pelik2.. i masih ingat sapa i sayang..i xde nk cari lain utk isi masa lapang...i xpnah buka hati i utk org lain..walaupun sayang i ni kat u salah kat mata tuhan, i nak tau, i syg u sebab i rasa selesa dengan u, i can tell anything, share anything without worry being judge, i nk protect u, i nak u kat sisi i., i nak jaga u..kalau bole seumur hidup i.. tp bila smlam u ckp i u doa i utk dpt cari org lain yg trbaik utk i, maksudnya u boleh lpaskan i?..hmm..kalau u rasa dia baik, dia sopan, hormat org, u rasa dia terbaik utk i? .. i x pnah fikr utk tggal u sbb org lain..i pnah fkir nak tinggal u ,bila u dah berubah, bila u sendri yg jumpa lelakimterbaik utk hidup u, sbb i x dpt nk tipu dr sendri bila i tgk u bahagia dgn org lain. but the time hasnt come yet.. we'll see what happen..u ckp u nk jdi kawan baik i selamanya, tp i xpernah anggap u kawan. i just make you my only one..i x tau bnyk mana lagi entry boleh i tulis, sbb everytime i tulis, i'll think about how much u pray for us to be away in future, and what i think aboul all the time is our future